Will hell freeze over?

No it won’t, since it’s about 1000° Celsius down there. But what about the southern part of Norway, that Norwegian media has decided to focus all of the nation’s attention on? Aww fuck ‘em I say. Not the realistic sexual way but in terms of what-do-we-care-about-way. I’ve lived in snow for over ten years of my life and all there is too it is precipitation in the form of crystalline water ice, consisting of a multitude of snowflakes that fall from clouds (thank you Wikipedia).

Now, there is something strange about the southern part of Norway getting away with all the snow and shitty weather. I believe we’re looking at some kind of new weapon that fires lasers on the clouds, then the clouds turn bad (as in “Hey that’s a good friendly cloud and that’s a bad ugly motherfu–ing nasty-looking cloud”) and shit just starts pouring down on the countries below. I bet it’s the Nazis weapon, it’s so typically them. They just have to control everything from masses of people and clouds (and between those there’s alot of empty friggin’ space). Fuck the Nazis and this bad weather. Damnit, I’m digressing again, ain’t I?

So why am I, the Great Wise One, concerned about the weather down south in Norway? Well that’s because that’s the way I’m heading today. I’ll travel with my sister on a bus and I’m in desperately need of a book or something good and long too read while the bus is bouldering through the giant lumps of snow. This trip will take approximately 4 to 5 hours and I’m not exactly looking forward to it. But when we get to Kristiandsand, capital of Southern Norway, we’re going to stay at our grandmom’s place. In a lavvo. We’ll probably hunt wild animals, or tamed ones and its owner(s) and cook ‘em over a cozy bonfire. I’m just sitting at work, repetitious but warm and dry work where there’s no snow at all, trying to come up with some good-will and enthustiatic ideas for this weekend, since I’ll be playing fiddle with the Devil in Frozen Hell.

Also in all this bad weather a 18 year old girl died yesterday because apparently she’d jump from the house and into a snowdrift and she’d hit her head. It was her mother that found her and I do think that life can’t always be easy, especially when you live in a stone cold society like Norway where it’s every man for himself. Though it teaches kids a good and important lesson: Don’t fuck with the snow or it’ll fuck you over so bad that you’ll wish you never was born. Alot of you may wonder where my heart is when I write this, and I tell you it ain’t here. Well the girl wasn’t forced to jump into the snowdrift at all, so she decided herself that she’d do the Jump of Her Death. So parents who live in snowy places: Let your children stay inside and play as much videogames as possible, they’ll grow up smart and alive!

Well, it’s lunch for me now. I’m hungry, annoyed, digressed and the snow won’t stop falling from the sky. Those damn pesky nazis.