Apple Unveils iWank

After months of speculation, the Apple Zealots (aka fanboys) can finally release their sexual tensions. The Apple iWank was finally unveiled:

“Jerking off will never be the same again!” – Steve Jobs, Jan 27th 2010

Apple iWank Features

• No physical keyboard: Don’t worry about losing pubes between buttons – there’s no buttons!
• Climax Rumble © Apple: Smart design recognize when pornstars “cums”, which makes the iWank vibrate!
• One-Hand Zoom Function: Want to zoom in on the action, with only one hand? No problem! Never miss a pixel boob again!
• Easy to clean: You can wash Apple iWank everywhere! Even a muddy pond will cleanse it’s exterior filth in no time!

With the starting price at $1000, how can you not pre-order this?

And as we all know, Apple is a charitable company with deep roots into socialism, so 25% iWank’s revenue will be donated to starving people on Haiti!