Getting quotacious or something

I’m tired of work. Are you tired? Good. Here’s some quick ‘n funny quotes I’ve gathered, for easy pleasure:

“Next week I’m gonna have an MRI to find out whether or not I have claustrofobia.”

- Steven Wright

And here’s some lovely thoughts from Warren Ellis, on the World Cup:

Brazil finally meet a football team more cynical than them. I actually feel bad for Brazil. That’s a first.

(Usually I want to mow down the Brazilian team with a death ray. But that was a vile trick by the Ivorians.)

Results: I have been unfollowed by a hundred Brazilians, and accused of wanting to mow EVERYONE down with a death ray.

People really shouldn’t take me so seriously. Except about the death ray thing.

- Warren Ellis
(Note: I had to re-arrange them so they made sense)

…I couldn’t resist! Here’s from Ellis when England played against Algerie:

Dear Mr Heskey, please have a blind man and their guide dog show you where the fucking goal is

And Fabio Capello being forced to consider the fact that perhaps he has lived too long. To the sound of vulva horns.

- Warren Ellis

Finally, here’s some Futurama quotes, because the show’ll return this week(!):

Zapp Brannigan: The alien mothership is in orbit here. If we can hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.

Zapp Brannigan: The key to victory is discipline, and that means a well made bed. You will practice until you can make your bed in your sleep.
Fry: You mean while I’m sleeping in it?
Zapp Brannigan: You won’t have time for sleeping, soldier, not with all the bed making you’ll be doing.