Interview With The NELF Player

Me: Well, good afternoon Haltemien. How are you doing?
Haltemien: WHY HELLO THAR?! Sup?!

Me: I’m good, thank you. In order to prove to my readers that I’ve got friends, I want to ask you some questions. Is that ok?
Haltemien: LOL NO PROBLEMO.

Me: Alright. First, could you turn of your caps-lock?
Haltemien: Oh, my bad. I’m so used to having it turned on, you know, since I’m a NELF player.

Me: Heh, yeah. It’s true that NELF players are recognized for their rather offensive use of caps-lock. Would you mind explaining my readers what NELF stands for?
Haltemien: Not at all. NELF is the short-hand term used for the Night Elf race which solely exist in the Warcraft universe. They are known for their purple skin and good-looking bodies.

Me: You mean they look like beat-up bitches on drugs, even the men?
Haltemien: Exact to the point you are, as usual.

Me: So, how did you come to be a NELF player?
Haltemien: Well, when I first started playing WarCraft 3, I wanted to make a difference, you know? I wanted to show players around the world how great a player actually can be, by using such a demented and obnoxious race to win battles.

Me: Heh. By using, or abusing the Beastmaster-strat? Or even worse, going mass-dryads with KOTG?
Haltemien: Haha! How did you know? Of course! What else than mass-producing and hero-abusing strategies are there for NELF?

Me: How’bout changing to something more masculine? Like orcs. They kick ass. Well, enough about that! Tell me, how did your family take this choice of yours?
Haltemien: Funny you should ask. My mother didn’t speak to me for weeks, and my father…he actually tried to force an army-application on me, to make me more of a man or something. That christmas was the worst, though. Didn’t even get my usual knitted socks from granma either! And at school, oh boy! Don’t even go there.
Me: And at school…?
Haltemien: Don’t even go there. I just told you.

Me: …right. So, how did your life develop after this, shall we call it, “big decision”?
Haltemien: Well, I started to grow hair in funny places. And by funny I mean someone-will-use-it-against-me-funny, and by places I mean everywhere. I was like one of them bears-men or something.

Me: Whao whao whao whao! Hold on just a second. This is not my Batman glass! Damnit, every fucking time, this happens! Hang on.
Haltemien: Sure…it’s not like I’ve got anything better to do.

Me: There, sorry about that. So back to the questions. How did you get to know me?
Haltemien: When I first got in contact with you, it was through the old Norwegian WC3-forums. You’d just been owning my ass - as always - in a 1v1 (OvN) game on Lost Temple, and I seriously wanted to talk to such an physically attractive and masculine player. So I got in contact with you and, man, I had a blast. I still sit and reminisce on the good times I had, pretending to be you when I watched all those replays.

Me: Continuing the questions. What are your thoughts about StarCraft 2?
Haltemien: I’m thrilled and sad at the same time. I mean, there’ll be some new awesome RTS-gaming with SC2 and it’ll be funny to Zerg rush in good and clean graphics. But then again, there’s no NELF in the SC universe, and that saddens me. All the other WC3 races have their similar race in SC, except from NELF. Makes me a sad bear every time I think about it.

Me: What are you going to do?
Haltemien: Probably just hang around in #NOR channel, spam and PM the gosu players like yourself. Then again, I am an active WoW player who loves to hang around in Barrens just because the chatting there is so cute and silly, so I’ll probably never leave WoW!

Me: So, final question this round. Picture of yourself?
Haltemien: Fuck no! I am a NELF player who loves my privacy. I would hit you with a kitten till you died, if you’d post a picture of me!