Posted on April 28th, 2008 - 1:39 pm - 22 comments
If there’s something which fires up my internal engines, it’s people whining about murdering baby seals. One thing I really can dig, apart from an army of midgets invading Sweden, it’s murdering defenseless baby marine mammals. Especially the young’uns.
Defenseless? Goddamn they ain’t! If it’s one thing Ol’ Mother Nature’ve taught us all, is that all creatures have all their unique defense. Baby seal’s got their innocent looking eyes which melts the brains of morons who can’t comprehend that it’s either us or them, out in the wild.
Let me say this once and for all: God bless the Canadians who’re brave enough to send their own men out on the ice floes, to fight baby seals. Armed with only a hooked “hakapik”, the Canadians do what they’re paid to do. Their awesome job of killing baby seals.
A lot of people reacted with horror and disgust when pictures (further down on this page) of baby seal slaughtering was published on the Daily Mail (UK online newspaper) on April 3rd 2008. Even the author of the article was questioning if the killings could be called humane. Now what kind of stupid question is that?
They’re wild animals, not humans (aka homo sapiens sapiens)! What’d they expect? A public execution, with blindfolds and a last cigar? Lethal injection, making the seal meat unedible? The electric chair, ruining it’s skin so it can’t be used for warm clothing? I can’t believe not a single person asked what a humane way of killing seals was.
They (the protesters) are going around saying “Oh, that’s not humane! Neither is that!”, without even defining what humane is. If that’s the case, then I’ll counter them by calling all their comments not humane. How’s them apples?
Below are some of the pictures from the Daily Mail-article. Copyrights are IFAW/S. COOK, and is sometimes printed onto the pictures themselves. That doesn’t make them less awesome, though…

(Source and more pictures: Daily Mail)
If you’ve got any opinion on this matter or perhaps some creative solutions to how we (the rest of mankind) can make the whiners shut the hell up, I’d certainly like to hear it. If you know anyone who’s really loving seals, please share this post with them.
Tags: killemall, nature, seals, vikings
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haltemien:
As president of the SCCC (Seal Cub Clubers Club) I inform you that we spend alot of money on development for a more humane way to club seals. We are now in the final steps of our project SC (Spiked Clubs) and it looks promising. We are also developing a CG (club Granade) mut more information about this project late.
#1: April 28th, 2008 - 6:57 pm
Timmey:
cant we just tame them like the cow, or more like the Sammon, we breed them,. give them a nice big space in a fjord in like Norway or something, you keep them tame, and wander about with them daily, then one day you go over to them and give them a treat , lure them into the gasschamber, or a tunnel like in the sloughterhouse for cows, and just shoot their brains out before they know whats going on… or like put some food into a hole that it puts the head into and BAM!, its stuck, and we just chop, chop, chop it of!
then it wouldent be any worse than killing a cow or what not, but then again.. they whine about that to, don’t they.. I don’t think you can kill them at all without having some softbrainer yell murderer in your face… it just can’t be done… so why bother with them, keep using “the hook”!
#2: April 29th, 2008 - 2:16 am
Sigg3:
The seal’s natural defense is ice. But we’ve got that covered. And I love seals. I love seals with bacon.
Btw, the first picture somehow reminds me of an ol’ type arcade game:D
#3: April 29th, 2008 - 4:11 pm
koew:
Timmey you’ve got a working idea there: Why don’t we just make them our livestock instead of letting them roam the wild and tease the poor polar bears who’ll die of starvation anyways? It’s a great thought, at least, and doable at best. Though having a breeding farm of seals would be bothersome…
I’d reckon it’s time we reinstated the old humane witch-burning on seals. That’d teach them who’s boss in Mother Nature’s world.
#4: April 30th, 2008 - 12:53 pm
kynzie:
this is cruel not cool!!!!!!!!!!!
#5: November 30th, 2008 - 1:20 am
koew:
I know! That’s why I’m suggesting to kill them the humane way, alright? At least I offer a solution to the problem, instead of bashing the guys who just do what they’re told.
#6: November 30th, 2008 - 10:09 am
gina:
so i would love to club some seals ! its not cruel its fun anyone know how to participate? if you know how let me know please grrrr xginaXx@hotmail.de
#7: February 11th, 2009 - 7:41 pm
Sigg3.net:
God, I hope that’s reverse psychology, Gina:D
#8: February 12th, 2009 - 11:18 pm
koew:
Ahem. This can only be confirmed through my newest invention: Comment Analysis Grinder.
Shall we see… okay, inputting comment along with, time, date, post relativity (1 to 10) commenters name:
The result is represented by this image:

Yepp, it’s a trap alright.
#9: February 13th, 2009 - 12:29 pm
jaime:
Besides that it’s “fun”, why do you have to kill them at all? What do seals do that’s so bad and justifies bashing them to death? I can think of a few humans that deserve the same and we restrain ourselves from that. The biggest problem I have with it is, this is the 21st century, and seal clubbing seems like a pretty neanderthal way of solving any problems.
#10: February 27th, 2009 - 2:00 pm
koew:
Huh? So if I told you the world would be saved if only we’d club enough baby seals to death, then it’d be okay? Seriously? That’s awesome, man! Keep it up, please.
#11: February 27th, 2009 - 2:22 pm
Cigar Justin:
I am not interested in humane ways to club seals. I am a seal hunter, and I love beating seals to death with blunt clubs, several times over the head. I am just being honest. Nothing like a good cigar in my mouth while beating a crying seal over the head a few times!
#12: April 20th, 2009 - 6:01 am
Michael:
My father used to be a seal hunter, and he told me it was really hard work, the kind of work I really admire. They’re working for weeks at a time, in all kind of weather, and have to fight snow, ice, waves and ice-water. I would love to do it myself some time.
To answer your question jaime, we dont _have_ to kill them, just like we don’t _have_ to kill any other living animal for food. If you want the killing to stop, the simple solution is to stop eating. It’s funny how killing some animals are Ok, while others is not. Idiots.
#13: April 20th, 2009 - 5:08 pm
Sigg3:
Jamie, clubbing seals is actually a very humane way of killing them. If I were to be killed, I’d choose a bullet in the back of my neck (very difficult with moving seals) or a very hard strike in my skull. It is the same with today’s harpoons used in whaling. It looks awful, but it’s really the best way to do it at the moment.
As for seal meat/fur, Michael has a good point. People are not doing this for fun, they’re doing it for a living. How can they do it for a living? Because there’s a demand for it. Clubbing a seal is no different than clubbing a cow. As long as people want veal, then it’s going to be done and hopefully in the best and safest manner.
People nowadays are too afraid of blood. They need to spend some time fishing, killing and gutting to appreciate where the damn burgers come from. Seals are not people. Cows are not people. If the human race wants to survive it will need the protein from meat. If seals had been on the top of the food chain then they would be having this discussion. We’re all animals.
#14: April 29th, 2009 - 2:17 pm
Sigg3:
I forgot to add; 100% Vegetarians won’t exist naturally for thousands of years even if _we all_ started the change today like 2pac.
For reference, check out the panda which was a carnivore before it turned to bamboo during a period of distress. Today it’s a useless animal. 1000 generations from now? Maybe a success, but probably extinct.
#15: April 29th, 2009 - 2:20 pm
koew:
Haha, pandas sucks retarded monkey balls. They’re the worst excuse of a bear if I ever saw one. Lazy, bamboo-eating motherfucker. I hope they get the swine flu and die horribly.
#16: April 29th, 2009 - 2:52 pm
hunt:
Just because the word, “humane” has the word “human” in it. Does not mean its only for HUMANS! The whole seal slaughtering reminds me of Texas Chainsaw Massacure. It’s Fucked up!!
You guys really eat seal??
I love a good burger but geezzz…
#17: March 14th, 2010 - 3:32 am
koew:
I propose a new law on koew.net, which says the following: “If you haven’t tried whale or seal, you don’t know shit.”.
All in favor: don’t say shit, because this law is awesome. All against: GTFO.
#18: March 14th, 2010 - 6:19 pm
Rachel:
most of you guys are pretty damn ignorant.They club them on the head to protect the fur. They dont eat them (normally) they just leave the baby seals’ naked dead bodies lying on the ice. All so canada’s olympic team can integrate seal fur into their uniforms. You need a jacket? Ever heard of cotton? Yeah. pretty handy. Quit being divas and wear something that doesnt require a life to be taken for you to wear it. They dont even get that much money for it.
I dont eat meat. Any meat. And yeah, I do realize that we need protien to survive, but animal meat isnt the only way to find it, you can find it in peanuts, tofu, beans, and alot of other places.
Personally, I DO beleive that part of the reason that animals are put on earth is for our consumption and survival, but we are going about it completely the wrong way. Animals are living creatures and we are using them for our food and protection, and I beleive that they should be atleast treated with dignity and respect. Imagine there is another species on this planet, far more intelligent than we. Imagine being shackled by your ankles, shocked in your anus or genitals, having your throat slit, being boiled alive, being skinned from neck to ankles alive, all because they are too much of cheap bastards to use a little bit more of money to kill us in a humane way. Now imagine you cant do anything about it.
Well, we’re the cheap bastards in this fucked up scenario. I don’t want to go down in history as the asshole generation that helped destroy all life on earth.
Yeah. Meat industry is very pollutant. They dump all the waste and dead bodies in the rivers and the ocean, the meat industry causes more pollution than all the cars in the world combined. Going vegitarian or vegan is even more environmentally friendly than buying a hybrid car.
Humane is basically not treating them like total shit, and giving them a quick and painless death.
Learn your shit you stupid dick-fucks.
#19: June 11th, 2010 - 4:22 am
Rachel:
Oh, and by the way. This isnt “The Wild.”
This is modern day. We have plenty of resources to choose from that doesnt involve clubbing animals on the head.
And it’s ignorant assholes like you that I really hope burn in hell.
#20: June 11th, 2010 - 4:28 am
Sigg3:
Koew, your reader’s level of intelligence are steadily declining. Any last thoughts?
#21: June 11th, 2010 - 9:58 am
Fiskebeskytteren!!:
We must kill the seals to save the fish! Save the fish, save the world!
Stupid wanna-be-know-it-all-about-the-environment-noob.
#22: June 11th, 2010 - 1:09 pm