Posted on July 4th, 2008 - 1:03 pm - 18 comments
Matador.org wrote a piece about 10 “precious” animals that’s on the verge of extinction. It’s all good to be informed about it, but the question pops out: Do we need ‘em? What good are they to us?
Let’s investigate it further, and see if we can’t get on in the world without at least some of them. First one up:
This is how Matador.org describes them:
Gorillas are our closest relative after chimpanzees with an almost 98 percent DNA match. The remaining 600 individuals face habitat loss through deforestation, poaching, circus use, effects of political unrest, and human diseases such as measles.
Let me tell you what this means:
This one’s a no-brainer: Line ‘em up and execute them. Lets move to the next species, which is the…
Ahh, I don’t even need to read about them. Still, visitors might like to know:
Because of their notoriously low sex drives, captive pandas are shown pornographic videos to encourage mating. After more than a century of debate, recent DNA analysis concludes that the giant panda is more closely related to bears than to raccoons.
First of all, who cares if they’re closest related to a pussy or an ass?! I wouldn’t give a shit if they’d be related to a bucket of rotten fish. Why? Because they’re Emo. Yes, that’s right, with a capital E, since they’re what human emos try to be like – nonproductive and depressed.
Panda bears, in general, does not want to live. “Animal protectors” such as the World Wildlife Fund (or other organizations) try to keep them alive. Ever seen a happy panda? I have: It was dead. It looked like the world’s happiest panda; the painful torments of living was finally over and only heaven (filled with bamboo) was next.
Protect these miserable creatures? Let’s torch the lot of ‘em, I say. Speaking of burning and bears, this brings me to the…
These warrior bears are to be respected, with limitations of course. Matador tells us:
Arctic polar bears are threatened by global warming. They must fast longer in the summer due to melting sea ice. In 2007, the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service proposed to list the polar bear as a threatened species under the Endangered Species Act.
As of May 14th 2008, the Polar Bear was listed on the ESA. The decision was crucial as 29.7 million acres of the Chukchi Sea, which supports polar bear populations, are set to be opened to oil and gas activities.
This is natural selection at best; we’re more advanced than the polar bear, so we win. If the polar bears could wield uzis and drive snowmobiles, we’d be dead within a week. Nothing beats an uzi-wielding polar bear on a snowmobile.
I live in a country where there’s tons of it buried in the sea ground, and because of it we’re an industrialized country. If I had to choose to either save the polar bears, or earn one third of what I do while working three times as hard, I wouldn’t hesitate. Polar bears, schmolar bears…
There’s only two things that’s positive about the polar bears:
Apart from those two measly facts, there’s nothing to it! Let ‘em starve or even sweat to death so we can dig out some more of that precious oil. This gives us a…
Kill ‘em all. Let them drown, burn and rot – we don’t need any of them. If people are so in love with them, why don’t they just live with them? See how they cope with the polar bears in the freezing artic (which will be a nice, warm place when global warming has done its tricks), or when being frantically raped by gorillas.
I got a job to do, money to earn and coffee to consume. I’d also be a seal clubber if I didn’t have anything else to do…like eating large amounts of bacon. In the sun.
(Source: Matador.org)
Tags: killemall, nature, polar bears
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Friskas:
KILL EM ALL!
#1: July 9th, 2008 - 5:40 am
Al:
Jeez, whoever wrote this was a fu**ing loser, non-animal lover, a person who is obsessed with porn and sex, and is 98 % shit. Let me tell you something. You are an ASSHOLE!!
#2: December 9th, 2008 - 7:57 pm
Sigg3:
The gorilla isn’t nearly extinct yet. They just found a million of them, although they were lowland gorillas (AFAIK).
#3: December 9th, 2008 - 9:47 pm
koew:
Whoever wrote this…HEY! That’s me! I’m right here, man. And Al, let me update you on a straight-out fact: I’m human, and so are you. By your definition – that I am 98% full of shit – you yourself are 98% full of shit. But I don’t judge, I tell truths about stuff.
Although they’re (the gorillas) 2% imperfect, they can still mate. I guess that’s what they spend their spare time on, instead of trying to insult an author of a troll post.
Sigg3, you’ve gotta stop watching Discovery Channel and Animal Planet. Damnit! Soon you’ll start seeing abnormal city bird behavior outside of your flat, alright? Go see some action, like Die Hard.
#4: December 10th, 2008 - 1:33 am
ADElAh ,..:
DANg THE PERS0N WH0 WR0TE THiZ Be OUTAh THEy MiNDz!!
SERiOUSLy! THAT PERSOn iS HEllA WAk!!
#5: April 5th, 2009 - 12:54 am
madie532:
ur f***ing retarded no wonder every 1 hates u
#6: July 22nd, 2009 - 11:56 am
carmen234:
you are a stupid !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you would like to be a gorila instead of an i”"”t !!!!!!!!!!
#7: August 26th, 2009 - 1:33 am
Sigg3:
Only an idiot would NOT want to be a gorilla, carmen. Touché mofo!
#8: August 26th, 2009 - 7:08 pm
Deanna Whetung:
Every animal has a feeling. Dogs get nightmares as do we. Why are we so selfish to kill animals cruelly just for food and money?
#9: January 16th, 2010 - 3:23 am
koew:
Because it’s our way of life, Deanna? Because bacon tastes so incredible good?
#10: January 16th, 2010 - 7:51 pm
wazz up:
u all suck balls so shut the fuk up bitches
#11: February 9th, 2010 - 2:22 am
Karl PIlkington:
Don’t steal my ideas.
A’right?
#12: February 23rd, 2010 - 10:36 pm
Sigg3:
Nice mr. P!
#13: February 24th, 2010 - 3:16 pm
Sigg3:
What about the Man Moth, K-man? Do we really need it or is it just a bit weird?
#14: February 25th, 2010 - 11:48 am
koew:
While we’re at it, how’s the weather in Canda? Not that I can tell from your IP or anything. Just a hunch.
#15: February 25th, 2010 - 10:48 pm
Up yours:
f u c k You biath~
the fucking no brainer koew probably is some white male full of not just shit but probably all the shit inteh world. dont say that you are a human, human have different classes too, just like you are at the fucking bottom of it below the worst that there can be. the ones against u? shows exactly a much higher class than a shit you are.
and what you claim as truth??? what the f, f you and f your whole family. and f your sad little brain you got there. oh wait i can’t cause you have none, I forgot that fucker, the truth you little garbage, is what you think you know, and that’s nothing true about it. but too sad you just can’t realize that with no brain in your head. i pity the fool of you~
#16: March 3rd, 2010 - 11:05 pm
Mr. T:
You pity the fool, Up yours? I pity the fool!
#17: March 5th, 2010 - 4:58 pm
wazz up:
i wish they were dinosaurs dont u think?
#18: March 12th, 2010 - 5:18 am