This is a question I found myself asking to the people I live with, last Thursday: How does a necrophiliac warm a corpse? I considered three different solutions:
Keep in mind that I do assume that they – necrophiliacs – would like to warm up the corpse before having their way with it. If they, however, do like the corpse freezing cold and stiff, this list is rendered obsolete.
- Warming blankets: This was my initial thought. Easy to transport in the back of your car, assuming you’ve got one, and easy to use. Just get the corpse out of the coffin and wrap it in your blankets to make it warm and cozy. After enjoying it like a dog enjoys a peg leg, get it out of the blankets and your car, bury it and drive home happy. The cheapest warming blanket currently goes for $29.86, so it’s cheap as well!
- Hot bath: Somehow a bit riskier, since you’ve got to transport the corpse to your home/motel/whatever. Then again if you’re into aquatic sex too, you would get double the pleasure out of this way. The only reason I would think this method wouldn’t be used, is the corpse’s rotted skin. Parts of it might loosen during intercourse and may (or may not) result in a turnoff. Remember you’ve got to pay for gas and the hot water bill for this one, so not cheap.
- Sauna: This is like the hot bath-one, but instead pre-heat your sauna, while you get your love-corpse. The only problem I can picture with this one, is how small/large your sauna is. If it’s a three-person sauna it would be intimate but probably hard to maneuver around. Then again if it’s a large sauna (like, ten or more people) it would take time to get the right heat. And you don’t want the corpse to spend too much time away from it’s coffin, right? Someone might notice.
If you’ve got other suggestions, I’d certainly like to read ‘em. Also, I got the idea while being in a very, very dark mood during a tough hangover. Apart from that, it’s all flowers ‘n sun from me, eh?
sjukheit:
I choose to believe that your initial assumption is wrong. However, I do enjoy speculating. A large bakery-sized oven on low heat might be used to slowly heat the body. The important thing is of course to watch the temperature and make sure the corpse doesn’t become dry – not unlike preparing a turkey. I realize that this does require that the necrophiliac have access to some pretty sophisticated equipment, but it might be the upscale alternative for the quality-aware corpse-fucker.
#1: December 1st, 2008 - 12:54 pm
koew:
Since we’re speculating, money should be of no concern. But I wanted to add the cost of the blankets since it seemed like a good idea. Also, if you’re going to heat the corpse in an oven, you better add some kind of oil or shit not to dry it entirely. Maybe some lubricant that’ll work better if heated? (If such lubricant exists, that is…)
#2: December 1st, 2008 - 7:09 pm