Dear Other Swimmers Letter

I don’t know no Richard, and he wouldn’t be dear to me anyways. I’ve felt this coming for days and weeks, and it’s time I showed some responsibility. Therefore:

Dear Other Swimmers…You Suck!

I like swimming. It feels good. Then there’s you other people who, like me, doesn’t have enough social life to fill the day so you’ll go swimming instead. I hate you, damn losers.

Especially those lane rebels who believes you should swim like this:

…when the everyone else swims like this:

Crashing, literally, into those people makes me want to drown kittens. If a horde of zombies were to suddenly attack, I would push the pregnant friends towards the raging horde.

Pregnant friends and women with with baby carriages have to block everyone. We all have experienced their wrath:

…but in the swimming pool they’re like this:

Swimming like 80-year olds, talking shop about all the money they’re sucking out of their soon-to-be-divorced husbands, they ruin my and everyone else’s pace!

If I could turn my rage into energy, I’d swim behind them – I’m forced to anyways – and boil the hell outta ‘em. Give ‘em a good scare…

Damn you, swimmers! DAMN YOU! And have a good weekend.
Sincerely,
koew