And Here Are The Test Results!

I’m getting really annoyed, as I bet almost 80% of Internet’s popullation is getting too, about those tests that’ll prove what kind of person you are and what people you get along with. It’s, as we can all say in different languages, a load of bullshit. I get utterly insulted everytime I actually tro do some of the tests ‘n shit.

What kind of person really needs to take theses tests to figure out what he/she needs in life? Shouldn’t they fucking know what their needs are instead of some computer generated nonsense? I can only imagine sad, pathetic losers who’ve got no job, no life and no friends, sitting around in a trendy internet cafè - drinking latte - doing thoses tests (on a serious level).

So I found this test, right, called “What Are The Keys To Your Heart?” on Blogthings. But since I don’t confirm with the different answers, I’ve come up with my own sheit. Check it:

1. The end of the world is near, and you have the power to save only one kind of animal. What do you save?
None. If I have the power, I’d want to make them prove their worth, for instance doing my laundry or my dishes. But since none of the listed animals are capable of actually doing this, I’d skin them and eat the lot.

2. You travel to Africa. When you visit a tribe, they insist you take a live animal as a souvenir. Which one will you choose?
The lion. If there’s one animal you’d want to take a walk with in the park, on a sunny day, it would be the King of Animals. Also I could make it eat so-called trendy chavs with their “designer dogs”.

3. You did something wrong. God punishes you by turning you into an animal of your choice. You decide to become a: (…)
Wrong. If I did something wrong, something that has a probability of zero, God would appraise me and send me a “Awesome Work, Mate”-card. And if he turned me into a Kung-Fu Hippo, would I complain? No, it’d fucking rule.

4. If you have the power to make one species disappear forever, which one will that be?
Oh please. I’ve listened to alot, let me emphazise alot, of Xfm-shows with Ricky Gervais, Stephen Merchant and Karl Pilkington. The answer is jellyfish. (Do we need ‘em?)

5. If you someday met an animal that could speak in human language, you would want that animal to be a…
A gigantic Tyrannosaurus Rex. “That’s not an animal!”, you say, but then I counter your claims with “look missy, the whole thing is about if-if-if. If an animal could speak in human language, I don’t see why a dinosaur couldn’t be one.”. Then you shut up and re-think your life. I’d ask the Rex what the different plant-eating dinosaurus (veggisaurus) tastes like. Then I’d drop-kick it’s ass and cook it over open fire.

6. On an isolated island, you can only have an animal as you companion. You choose: (…)
A large boar, like this one. I’d make it get all fat ‘n cozy, kill it and have a great time with the mountains of bacon it’d make. Since the question didn’t explain anything else about the island, I’d assume that there’d be electricity and I’d have computer, television and gigantic sound system. What a life that would’ve been, eh?

7. If you had the power to tame all kinds of animals, you’ll choose what kind of animal to be your pet?
A lion. See question 2 for more information. Next please!

8. If you could be an animal for 5 minutes, which one you would like to be?
I’d be me, of course. I am an animal, driven by sexual lusts, necessity for food and shelter and the intellectual mind derived from comic books ‘n movies. Heck, I’m me all the time so I’ll just ignore the question.

The Result:
You are a man. Can I marry you, even though this is a generated script and I have no capabilities of pleasing you in any physical way? Please?

So there you have it. I am a man. Now I need to get my laundry and dishes done, and I’ll be back to write about the amazing chipmusic-gig I went to on last Friday. Cheers.