The Hidden Secret of Sopranos Revealed!

As the famous mafia series from HBO, Sopranos, was finally ended a few days ago and it left alot of awful watchers (SPOILER WARNING ON ALL LINKS!) confused, scared and - of course - silly. Since David Chase, the writer and director of this great series, left America for France (the country) and his wife (a lady) so he could hide behind a rock while the Sopranos Flame War (on CNN) was raging back in his country - I felt the need to do something about it. And I wasn’t thinking of flaming the poor director by cursing his name under my cheap whiskey breath - or nothing, oh no. Somewhere a crime was happening, and I wasn’t taking part of it.

I donned my dusty coat, my hat and lit a cigarette. When the coughing had finally stopped, I got out of the old ‘n silly detective-gear to do some real, ahem, detectiving in front of my computer…wearing my glasses and linen pants only. As 1 is truth in the world of boolean, I knew the real truth of Sopranos must be out there - on the Internet Where Everything is Possible, even twelve midgets riding a donkey. I had to start somewhere. My startpage was a good a lead as anything, so I started investigating the source from there.

Five minutes and a bag of M&M’s later I was finished searching. I’d stumble upon a hidden page on the web. What I found was not only just shocking; it revealed an accusation that was as old as Jesus Christ himself…or even older.

The truth, the hidden secret of Sopranos, the revelation that made even David Chase leave the country (so he wouldn’t be barbequed alive) was this:

Women can’t parallel park.

It’s that easy. If there’s any build-up during the whole show - over the course of 6 violent and sexy seasons - it’ll boil down to just that statement. Women just don’t know how, and that’s what Mr. Chase wanted to show us all along. Ever since the pilot episode (season 1) we’d get to know all about this psychological depressed mafia boss who’s having trouble mantaining a relationship with his family. What we really can’t see is that the subtones, the small feminine hints, always points us to the women of the show. Carmela, Dr. Jennifer, Meadow and - of course - Adriana (Ade) are all the real stars of the show. Fo’ggedabout the men for a second, will you? The point is, that David Chase’s accusation never leaves us.

If you don’t believe or agree with me, here’s the proof that’re presentet in the final episode of Sopranos:

Who paid for her driving lessons? Her dad? Hope not.

Look at all the space she’s got! I mean come-the-fuck-on!

There’s a good girl. Only took you, what, twenty to thirty minutes?

Now you’re sitting there, speechless. I know it’s a hard fact to swallow, but it must be done for the sake of David Chase…and the fact that women can’t dri—parallel park. I’d also like to recommend this alternative/creative finale ending. It’s a nice laugh and it makes me hungry for spaghetti, too.